Fiercely Independent

I liked how my husband described me as we were having pillow talk last night.  He was saying he understood how hard it must be for me to not be able to drive right now because I'm fiercely independent.  And it's true.  I have never let MS stop me from doing something I want to do.  Even during relapses, I always managed to find ways to cope so that I could still do everything I thought I needed to.

This relapse has been different, because for the first time I have had vision difficulties, and therefore I cannot drive safely.  It has been terribly limiting!  Luckily, I have sweet friends with minivans who come and chauffeur me and my kids around to our routine activities during the week.  But my husband has been doing the grocery shopping, and all other shopping has been put on hold until I can do it myself.  I can't run errands or take my kids to a park on a whim.  

Not being able to see clearly has made me more impatient, because I get exasperated.  For instance, it is frustrating to have my daughter crying because she can't find something, but I cannot see well enough to help her find it, and then because big sister is crying, the baby starts crying too, while I'm scrambling around trying desperately to find whatever my daughter is looking for.  It's exhausting and frustrating to say the least. 

So yes, I would say that my husband nailed it, I am fiercely independent.  I am not sure that this is necessarily a good thing, though.  I tend to hold people to the same standards that I hold myself to.  So when I hear about someone struggling, sometimes I think something along the lines of, "Oh, come one.  Suck it up and deal with it and do what needs to be done."  But I couldn't do that this time myself.  I needed help, and there were so many of my friends who gave of their time and resources willingly.  It was hard for me to ask for and accept help.  This has been a humbling experience for me.  Maybe I can be a little more selfless and give service to others a little more freely from now on.