Anxiety

MS and anxiety go hand in hand.  I don't know if it's that anxious people tend to get MS or if MS causes anxiety, I suspect it is a little of both, making a vicious cycle.  People like feeling that they are in control of themselves and their life, but people with MS have lost control of their body.  Being on a treatment and trying to eat well and take care of your body can help, but really MS is totally unpredictable.  I could wake up any morning and not be able to walk or see!  It definitely creates anxiety.  I have always been an anxious person, I think, but am more so since being diagnosed with MS.  I even get headaches from all the anxiety and stress.

I easily get flustered when I am running late and when things just aren't going the way I planned on them going.  I worry about everything.  Especially now that I am a mom, I have found that visions of all the 'what ifs' and 'could happens' run through my mind all day.  When I try to fall asleep, I am haunted by visions of all the terrible ways my children could get hurt or die.  Only prayer eases these fits and allows me to get rest.  I really am pretty good at controlling it and keeping it under wraps.  But it sure creates a lot of undue stress in my life.  I have been thinking about ways that I could channel  this anxiety and stress into something more productive. 

I have to say, LISTS are the anxious person's best friend.  I make lists for everything.  I am always worried that I will forget something.  So I write everything down on a calendar and I have sticky not lists all over my house.  I have a daily to-do list, a weekly to-do list, and a monthly to-do list.  I know, I'm a little OCD.  But I have to do this in order to keep my sanity.  Plus, memory problems are another symptom of MS (which I haven't had a problem with yet) and I never know when this symptom will decide to pop up.  

One of the things I probably should do more of is EXERCISE.  I have heard a lot of doctors and others tell me that keeping in shape will make things easier.  But I sure hate exercising.  I go through spurts where I'm diligent about exercising, and then I fall back out of it.  I do somewhat enjoy pilates.  My college roommate, Elise, and I would get up early 3 times a week and push the couches out of the way in our small apartment living room to do pilates together.  It was so much fun.  I am a social exerciser.  My husband does not like pilates, I hate running, and there's no one who lives close enough to come over and do pilates with me, so it is difficult for me to find the motivation to exercise regularly.  I try to justify it by saying to myself, "It's not like I sit on my butt all day!  I run around after two toddlers, cleaning the house, running errands, etc"  But there's this nagging thought in the back of my mind saying, "you need to exercise or your MS will get worse and then you wouldn't be able to run even if you wanted to." 

Another thing people have recommended is YOGA / MEDITATION.  I have never done yoga, but it doesn't appeal to me because I am so inflexible, and from what I've seen it requires that.  But taking a few minutes of each day to meditate might be good.  I read that even taking those few minutes to focus your thinking on all of your anxieties and trying to get all your worries out and clean them out of your mind is therapeutic.

Another kind of therapy I have found is my faith.  My knowledge that God know each of us.  He loves us.  PRAYER is very calming.  I know that God hears my prayers and He answers them.  The answer may not be the answer I want, but it always turns out to be the answer I need.  It is therapeutic to kneel down somewhere in private and thank God for all the blessings He has given me (focusing on the things I have) and asking for the things I want and need, pouring out my heart to Him.  Try it!

Hand in hand with that last one is READING the scriptures, or really any book that brings you comfort.  For me, reading the words of God and reading the stories of how those who serve and obey Him are blessed brings hope and comfort.  Also, knowing that even if something happened to my babies we would still be together for eternity, is reassuring.  That is my favorite part of the Mormon beliefs, known as the plan of salvation.  Read more about it here if you want.  

The last one is have FUN!  We all have something that makes us happy.  For me, it's being crafty and talking.  So my favorite thing is crafting with friends.  I even get these inexplicable urges to create something.  I love to sew, cross-stitch, glue things, cut things, trace things, paint things, anything crafty.  So I try to do something crafty at least once a week.  Even if it's just painting my own picture when my daughter is playing with her paints!  It is cathartic for me.  So find the thing that makes you happy and do it!

I would love to hear what you do to curb your anxieties.  I always need more ideas, so please comment or message me!

 

College Roommates

Yesterday I got to talk to my old college roommate, Cherie!  We hadn't seen or talked to each other in almost 2 years, but we were gabbing away like we had never been apart.  I love having friends like that.  And I have many of them.

The most recent picture of all of us together

My college roommates are some of them.  These girls were my family for the 3 years of college before I got married.  We really were like a family because we all went out and did our own thing during the day, but came back together in the evenings and supported each other.  We are all so different: I studied education, Emily studied communication, Cherie studied dietetics, and Elise studied recreation management.  But boy, these girls helped mold who I am today.

Good times living in the freshman dorms at BYU

 I had only been diagnosed with MS for a year when I met them.  I was still learning about MS and coming to grips with having a chronic illness.  They helped me realize that MS wasn't what defined me, it was just a piece of me.  They helped me see that I could still do everything I wanted to do in life.  They were my support group, and I realize now how important it is to have a system of people who have your back in times of need. 

Cherie immediately started researching MS and even got me an MS diet book.  I could talk to her about anything.  While we were talking on the phone yesterday, she told me that she likes my blog and especially how positive I am.  And the thought that immediately came to my mind was, "Because of you."  Cherie, Elise, and Emily have always been so optimistic and positive and they were a great influence on me.  I am so blessed that I happened to be their roommate.  My life would be very different, I am sure, if I hadn't been.

The people we surround ourselves with have a HUGE impact on our life.  They help shape our character, our words, our actions.  We cannot completely control our situation in life.  We cannot choose our family, the financial situation we are born into, or our genetic makeup.  But we can choose the people we associate with, the people we decide to emulate, and the person we become.  I wanted to be like these amazing women, and in trying to do so, I have become a better person. 

 

9 Principles to Strengthen your Family

I know not all of my readership is Mormon, and I respect that.  But I lead and teach the young women (girls aged 12 -18) of our congregation every week at church, and this week the lesson was one that I feel like is just good advice, no matter what your beliefs.

You can probably pick out a Mormon family by whether they have a copy of "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" displayed prominently in their home.

Here it is in our home, haha!

It documents what we believe in regards to families and explains why we believe the family to be so important.  The whole thing is beautiful, so if you have the time, you should read it all (it's not too long), but one of my favorite parts of it says,

"Successful marriages and families are established on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."

  

That is 9 principles that if you implement in your home, will strengthen your marriage and family.  I will share with you some of my thoughts on each of them.

#1: Faith 

Giving your family a common goal, such as trying to get back to our Heavenly Father's presence, is going to bring more unity.  

#2: Prayer

This is another one that brings unity and peace into a home.  Taking a few moments at the beginning and end of the day to gather together as a family and kneel and thank Heavenly Father for our blessings makes us all more grateful for the things we have.  When we ask for righteous desires of our hearts as a family we once again have a common goal and are more united.  And it is also nice to hear your spouse/family member pray because you get an insight into the things that are on their mind at the time.  I love hearing my husband and children pray and thank God for me or ask to bless me, especially for my MS.  It is so touching.  

#3: Repentance

We all make mistakes.  We all do things we are sorry for.  It could be easy to just think, "They're my spouse/mom, they know I love them, so I don't need to apologize to them."  No, our family are probably the most important people to say sorry to if we hurt them!  

#4: Forgiveness 

Hand in hand with repentance, we need to forgive and move on.  We can't hold grudges.  In any relationship, holding grudges and spiteful behavior will ruin it faster than anything else.  

#5: Respect 

Every one in the family needs to feel respected and able to express emotions, desires, and opinions.  Obviously, parents have somewhat more of a say in decisions than children, but the family should feel like a team.  They should make most decisions together, and everyone needs to feel valued.  A husband and wife should be equal partners in leading the family, rather than one dominating the other.

#6: Love  

Love is essential in a family.  And it may seem that it comes naturally.  But we cannot treat it like that, we need to cultivate love.  Especially between husband and wife, love can diminish if it is not kindled regularly by going on dates and spending quality time together.  Also, serve your family.  If everyone put the needs/wants of the other members of the family before their own, think how wonderful that would be!

#7: Compassion

Compassion is having sympathy/empathy for our loved ones.  We need to listen to them and validate their feelings.  We need to help when they ask for help.  We need to try to build them up rather than tear them down.  Unfortunately, it seems to be human nature to treat those we love the most the worst.  We may find ourselves treating a stranger on the street more kindly than those we live with and love.  It is so easy to do, but we should work to be as kind and compassionate to our family as we are to others.

#8: Work

When all members of the family, children included, are expected to contribute to the care of the home (working for money, cleaning, cooking, whatever), things are much more peaceful.  If only one or a few do everything, chances are they will become spiteful.  Now, of course we need to serve our family in a humble way, but things are just happier when everyone is expected to contribute what they can.

#9: Wholesome Recreational Activities

The family that plays together, stays together!  Making your own family traditions gives your family identity and builds family pride.  Spending time together doing things you enjoy builds positive memories that can be associated with the family.  This is SO important.  Husbands and wives need to pair off and have their own time to have fun together, and the whole family should regularly get out of the house and do fun things.  

I know that these 9 principles will build unity and happiness in our families if we always strive to follow them, so I wanted to share them with you.  Boy, did I need today's lesson just as much as the young women did.  Our little family is definitely not perfect in ANY of these 9!  But we are working on them and trying.  So I know we will be successful.  We are enjoying the journey and learning together.  I am not a perfect wife or parent.  I really need to work on my patience.  But I know that as long as I keep repenting and trying every day to be better, and as long as my family is forgiving and compassionate and helps me in this quest, then we will all get back to Heavenly Father together.  That is what family is for.    

Grandma Grandpa Came a Visitin'

A couple of weeks ago, my in-laws came out for a visit!  They live in Texas and we live in California, so we don't get to see each other nearly as often as we want to, so this was a special treat.  The kiddos went CRAZY, they were so excited!  I was pretty excited too.  I love my in-laws.  They are second parents to me.  I was surprised that when I told people my in-laws were coming, most people responded with, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"  I can't imagine not liking your in-laws...it would make life so stressful.  Sure, my in-laws have their flaws, but they are kind, honest people who just welcomed me into their family the first time I met them.  They made my decision to marry their son easy.

We had so much fun on their visit.  The first night they were here we hit up the local little amusement park for hot dogs and rides.

N likes to just eat the dog out of the bun

My in-laws on the huge roller coaster

My hubby and I on the roller coaster

Grandma and N on the Dragon

Daddy and N on the Carousel

Baby J on the Carousel

My sister-in-law is serving as a missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for the next 18 months in the next mission over from where we live and where our temple is located!  She will be so close and yet so far, haha.  So while the in-laws were here we went up to see the mission home and the temple and left a "greenie box" for her.  I was able to get some cute pics of the kids, and Grandma and Grandpa with their first two grandkids.

 
We also went to the local aquarium and had a blast watching the kids get so excited about the "fishies."  Before that, we grabbed a bite to eat at Johnny Rockets.

N abusing a starfish

J even touched one all on his own

 We had some down time between all this fun stuff, believe it or not!

J fell asleep like this

Good lookin'

Grandpa and J cuddling

Mmm.

Attacking her corn

I have weird kids... haha!

N finally learned how to pedal her tricycle while they were here too!  It was very exciting.

 

It was so nice to see my kids bond with their Grandma and Grandpa.  I want them to have a close relationship with them and have many happy memories with them.

I have to say, though, my favorite part of this visit was bonding with my mom-in-law.  I have rarely gotten to spend time with her without any of her daughters around, and naturally, her bond with them is much stronger than with me, so I feel like they monopolize her.  But this time, I feel like we really got to bond and now I feel like our relationship is even stronger than it was.  We went out shopping for kid stuff, antique window shopping, and we went out one night to take care of a neighbor's house that I was house-sitting.  She told me a story about when she was a teenager and she and her friend went swimming at a beach on a navy base and the tide came in and swept her clothes and car keys away.  They needed the keys to get home, so she knew she needed to say a prayer and ask God to help her find the keys.  She knelt down in the water to say the prayer, dug her hands into the sand, and before she even uttered a word, she felt her keys in the sand!  What a beautiful story.  It made me so happy that she shared that with me.  I totally felt just like one of her own daughters, it was great.   I couldn't ask for a better mom-in-law!  We are very similar in a lot of ways, but just different enough to make things fun. 

I can't wait until the next time Grandma Grandpa come a visitin'!   

Dinner of Surprises

Date night last night was all about surprises!  First we went to the Dollar Store and we each had $1 to spend on something that we thought the other would like.  It was hard to find just the right thing, and it was hard to choose, but this is what I settled on for my hubby:

I brought two gift bags with us so we put the items in gift bags and then we went to dinner.  This part was my husband's job.  He took us to this gorgeous, classy Italian restaurant up in the mountains close to where we live.  It was so lovely.  Then we ordered what they called the "Chef's Choice Dinner for Two."  It was a 5 course meal for two people for $65 where the Chef gets to choose what you eat.  The waiter asked us if we had any allergies or dislikes or preferences, and we just told him that we love seafood.  It was SO fun to be surprised every time he came out with a dish!

While we waited for our food, we opened our surprises.  He loved his Cracker Jacks and he got me Piroulines!  I love that we both got food...great minds think alike!

Then our food came!  First the chef made shrimp bruschetta.  YUM.  Then the chef made us a Seafood Salad that was to DIE for.  It was incredible.  My favorite part of the night I think, but not by much because it was all amazing.  It had calamari, shrimp, and scallops on top of lettuce and brunoised carrots and onions and had a citrus vinaigrette dressing

 
Next they brought out mushroom ravioli with parmesan cheese and fish with capers and roasted vegetables.

And last, but not least, they brought out custard with a strawberry wine sauce (the alcohol had burned off, of course).  Divine.  That's all I can say.  I'm sad I didn't get a picture of everything.  It was all presented so beautifully.  Everything tasted so good, even the bread was incredible, and it made it even better that I was sharing it all with my favorite person.

Love him.  We talked the entire night.  There was never a quiet moment.  There must have been, because we ate A LOT, but I sure don't remember any.  It was so nice to have a break and get to go eat at a classy place without having to worry about kids spilling food or being too loud.  And to just feel like we were dating again.  He opened all my doors and seated me and everything.  So nice to be pampered once a week!  I am loving this weekly date night goal. 

The New "Normal"

I had a neurologist appointment yesterday morning at 8am.  I try to make them super early so my husband can come with me and then go to work.  So we took the kids along too, which my neurologist is okay with because he has 3 rugrats of his own at home.

So to update you a little bit, I had a huge relapse in May, where I lost feeling in my legs and had vision problems.  I got feeling back in my legs fairly quickly, but the vision problems lasted for a month and a half.  About the time the vision problems finally cleared up, the leg tingling came back.  And it hasn't gone away since.

I told my neurologist this at our appointment yesterday and he then proceeded to tell me that this may be my new "normal."  Meaning it may NEVER come back.  He made a graph in the air with his finger that looked something like this:

Then he said I may never go all the way back down.  LOVELY.

He then went through my most recent MRI and pointed to a lesion in my spine that he says he thinks is the culprit. Luckily, he doesn't think I have progressed to Secondary Progressive MS because I can still move my legs just fine, it is just a sensory problem.  Apparently Secondary Progressive MS is more of a muscular problem.  That was a HUGE relief, as there are currently no treatments for Secondary Progressive MS.  He also said I have no "black holes" in my brain which really cause problems, so that's good!

So my MS could still really be a lot worse, but it's still an adjustment to get used to the new "normal."  I know that God will not give me more than I can handle, so sometimes I wonder if I should be flattered by how much He seems to think I can take... haha!