Worthwhile Sacrifices

I was standing in front of my closet, trying to figure out what to wear to church, like I do every Sunday.  As I was rifling through the over-crowded 3-foot-wide closet that holds both my and my husband's clothes, I spotted my old Chinese dress that was tailor made for me when I lived in Nepal as a 13 year old.  I wore it to a masquerade dance my freshman year of college, and it fit me then, so I thought I would see if it still fit... it did!  Maybe a tad more snug in the chest as I have had 2 babies since I last wore it, but it really did still fit nicely.  The only problem was, the only time I would feel comfortable wearing it would be on Halloween. 

As I thought about this, I looked at the rest of the clothes hanging in my closet and realized that most of them were bought my freshman year of college, when I decided I needed a new wardrobe.  The difference is that I could afford a new wardrobe then, I can't now.

I dress very stylishly, if it were a decade ago.  I manage to get a couple of new pieces of clothing every year for Christmas, which I save to wear on occasions when I really want to feel stylish.  I own one pair of skinny jeans.  I actually have great style, although looking at me you would have no idea, I just can't afford to dress the way that I want to.  Why do adult styles have to change so frequently?  It sure makes it hard for me to look good.  

This is one of the sacrifices I have made to live the life I want to.  I want to have children.  I want to stay at home and watch them grow.  I want to be the one who sees all their firsts, rather than hearing about them from a nanny or daycare.  I want to teach them and raise them.  But in order to do this, there are sacrifices that have to be made.  My husband makes a good salary but, because we live in expensive California, it barely covers rent, utilities, food, and healthcare.  I work from home to supplement this income.  We try to save as much money as we can in order to afford clothing for the constantly growing children.  But that means that if I find a hole in a pair of pants I patch it or cut off the legs and turn them into shorts so I can wear them for a few more years.  If I find a hole in a shirt, I wear it anyways, as long as it's not in an indecent place ;)  I want to buy some cute, colorful jewelry to go with my few cute outfits, but if it's a choice between a cute bracelet or some shoes that actually fit my daughter and don't leave her with blisters, I know the shoes are more important.

This is a big sacrifice for me.  Some of you may be thinking, "Wow, she is shallow, to care so much about her looks."  Well, maybe I am.  But at least I am not so shallow that I sacrifice my children's needs for my own wants.  We all make sacrifices for our children.  This is one of mine.  But is it worthwhile?  YES.  I have two little creatures who absolutely adore me, no matter how I dress.

So I look through my out-of-date wardrobe, throw on one of my two maxi skirts and a sweater I got for Christmas three years ago, and go to church a happy woman.